1 of 4 (thank you)

1 of 4...
My name is ian mathias bavitz
I was born in 1-9-7-6, at biosfet hospital, located in long island, ny
I am 6 foot, for i weigh 2-0-0 pounds
I have brown hair and green eyes
I enjoy writing songs, painting, movies and diner food
I have two brothers, chris and graham
And two parents, paul and jameija
In august of 2-0-0-1 i went crazy..

This was originally not for public consumption
This was made for four people... four people that literally saved my life
They know who they are..
And ahhh i mean i could live to be a thousand years old and never re-pay them
I don't think this song would pay for them
But hopefully by putting it out, push the bank a little further..
This ain't a burner for the whips (no it isn't)
This ain't even aesop rock fly earthworm demeanor (no it isn't)
My name is ian mathias bavitz and i was born in long island, new york
Seventy six, before graham and after chris... ok
In august of 2001 my seemingly splinter-proof brain bone, scaffling imploded
I kept it on the hush, but nearly tumbling
To the cold hard concrete on near bodega trips
For ciggaretes and soda, shook me to kasper
Dizzy with a nothern chaser, motor sensory eraser
Gorophobe tunnel vision, guilt, self loathing arrangements
Rose rapidly outta fog i'd never fished in
That abates three separate foreign men's
While i seems to hook lines and syncro simple fishing
Simple primitive self taught, easing of soul, mind and body
But the symptoms rejected my cave-man modus operandi
So now it's one fish belly up, through medicated mol edge
Shrinks that get 250 an hour for awkward silence
And, i'd be lying if i said all of this
Made even the slightest fragment of sense to me
That's frail... simply put
I don't know what happened, or what's stillhappening
I literally feel like i'm teetering on the blunt edge of my sanity
Jamie, i killed the robots and i'm sorry
Broke down in front of you, embarrassed
But you lent a heart and hand that only you could
You're one of my best friends and yes i'd take that bullet for you
That's my word, which is about all i have left
Tony, i know you know you crazy, 'cause you told me
But that did never bother you, i hold you as my brother 'til death
And i got your back if ever the drunk goblin step
For makin' a cat laugh, when i was walking with the dead
Katherine, mother figure, older sister, concerned be a limits
Letting me know i wasn't the only one with this
Continuous offers for vacation, chicago visits
Talked me to repair of a head full of broken pistons
Riyah, for the late night movie rentals and the company i needed
An' you knew it, but i just wouldn't admit it
You listened to me brag about my issues for hours
Offer incredible advice, gave me a hug when i was finished
Am i a jack of all trades? nope... i like to write songs tho'
Are they good? i dunno..
But i could tell you that i only write sh*t down when i believe it
So take this how you want, but know i mean it
I want you all to know that i'm scared
Now my f**kin' crooked soul never faced a monster like the last few months
Never in my whole life... i wish i could explain this better (i can't)
But the pieces won't formulate it to anything even close to cohesive
So i guess this is my feeble way to thank you
Four soldiers that extended something sacred off the purity of kindness
I owe you all my life and please don't argue with that statement
'cause without y'all i may not have a life to offer, take it
Thank you
I wish i could explain this better. (thank you)
I'm sorry for burdening your pleasures. (thank you)
I love you all with all that's left of me. (thank you)
For helping try to kill what made a mess of me. (thank you)
Somehow, someway. (thank you)
I'ma get you back someday. (thank you)
Just gotta figure this all out... so..
I guess it is kind of funny when you look headed from a step back
How one man can literally buckle under the same pressures
Other men operate normally under
I have soaked this out from all angles, walking through time
I have been over everything in my head, still i can't think anymore
But i guess some times, when you can't breathe, there are people there
To breathe for you
I am lucky enough to have those people around me
Thank you for helping me to not die
Thank you for helping me to not die
Pocket full of pennies, and a soul gone tilt
Cockpit full of memories and a dream full of guilt