Now and then

you see it was drawn easy, my services for a rewarding fee.
never thinking then of the hundreds i've hurt.
their morals and family so deserted, you see,
back then my mind was conned, caught in a pipe dream.
understand my path set forth from a struggling background.
mom always worked her hardest maintaining her four hounds.
scared and afraid that my own child's future was at stake
quickly reacting was where i made my biggest mistake.
filled with dillusions i fell,
i fell deep in my grave carried by deceits devouring waves.
i can still remember her nights in tears of rage
never giving up even with her life in a ruthless maze.
took a harsh lesson for me to understand life.
what once was taken granted stabbed with a knife.
i've towed along loved ones throughout my experiences,
placed them in torturous wars when it all was needless.
now and then i failed to think deep clear inside.
now and then i rather maintain a modest existence.
now and then never again will i barter my freedom.