Tonya

Mother, I am sorry, I never pick up
Mm-mmm
Because I'm afraid to disappoint
Ooh, oh, no
Oh, no

And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to
And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to

We were sat outside on the hardwood floor
With our feet in dirt, and our hearts in awe
I be losin' sleep thinkin' 'bout missed calls
And I see the names circling our thoughts
And I think about if we lose it all
And I turn to shit that you never want
Like the smoke, the drink, anything at all
And I'll say again, sorry I don't call
There's no money on my mind, but my money or my mind
What's the first to fall?
Never wanted this—
Yeah

And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to
And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to

Sometimes it be so spot on it hurts
Like when Auntie couldn't decide between going to work or church
I've been in my feelings on an island in the dirt
I feel like brothers lie just so my feelings don't get hurt
I said, I'll try vacation, and I'll try to run away
I deleted Facebook, I'll trade fame any day
For a quiet Texas place and a barbecue plate
I'll switch my place if that's good for you, is that good for you?
My ghost still haunt you, my life is I, Tonya
Big eyed monster, only face to conquer
I hated songs about fame 'cause that stuff meant nothin'
Until them headlines came, then first flight I'm jumpin'

And maybe it means nothing
But I have to say I think about you often
(Ooh, ohh, ooh)
And if you want no part with me
I'll walk away, I know that I have wronged you
(Ooh, ohh, ooh)
And maybe it means nothing
But I have to say I think about you often
(Ooh, ooh, ooh)
And if you want no part with me
I'll walk away, I know that I have wronged you
(Ooh, ohh)

I took a plane to somewhere that I've never been
Too many times without my sister and my brother
Dad or mother by my side but they're in spirit
I always hear it, I know they feel it
My mom will always have these dreams that keep her up at night
I smoke to keep them all away and make use of the time
I'm void of feelin'
The reasons I'm so out of touch, now start revealin'
But I'm not ashamed, I'm not afraid of who I am
Or how I trust my mental, yeah it's not perfect
But I guess that's just the life I'm into
I fantasize about a time when everything was simple
My shelter sheltered me from things I needed to commit to
The way it stands to me
A victim of Stockholm in my friendships and family

What's costin' you time? What's the reason that you whine?
What's in your wallet? Dead whites in mine
So sour, in this light of lime
Daddy said: Study hard or get that cash
Mommy said: Your career ain't gon' last
Loose change, collared cat, moved out their pad
I just want a chance to move past my past
Don't think too fast, private jets still crash
And I still fly coach, and I'll still hit a roach
And I still see roaches at the crib where my folks at
Touch your dreams 'fore you touch me and provoke a man
(Somebody gonna have to tell the truth and I'm gonna tell it!)

And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to (how I used to)
(I don't matter!)
And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to (how I used to, how)
(I don't matter!)

How I, how I, how I, how I
How I used to, how I used to
How I used to