Going through changes

Lately, I really, feel like I'm rolling for delf like Philly
Feel like I'm losing control of myself, I sincerely
Apologize if all that I sound like is I'm complaining
But life keeps on complicating
And I'm debating on leaving this world this evening
Even my girls can see I'm grieving, I try and hide it, but I can't
Why do I act like I'm all high and mighty when inside I'm dying?
I am finally realizing, I need help
Can't do it myself, too weak
Two weeks I've been having ups and downs, going through peaks and valleys
Dilly dallying 'round with the idea of ending this shit right here
I'm hating my reflection, I walk around the house trying to fight mirrors
I can't stand what I look like, yeah, I look fat
But what do I care? I give a fuck, only thing I fear is Hailie
I'm afraid if I close my eyes then I might see her, shit

I'm going through changes
I'm going through changes

I lock myself in the bedroom, bathroom, napping at noon
Yeah, dad's in a bad mood, he's always snapping at you
Marshall, what happened that you, can't stop with these pills?
And you've fallen off with your skills and your own fans are laughing at you
It become a problem, you're too pussy to tackle
Get up, be a man, stand, a real man would have had this shit handled
Know you just had your heart ripped out and crushed
They say Proof just flipped out, homie just whipped out and bust, nah
It ain't like Doodey to do that, he wouldn't fucking shoot at nobody, he'd fight first
But dwelling on it only makes the night worse
Now I'm popping Vics, Percs and Methadone pills
"Yeah, Em, tight verse, you killed it"
Fucking drug dealers hang around me like yes men
And they gonna do whatever I says when, I says it
It's in their best interest to protect their investment
And I just lost my fucking best friend, so fuck it I guess then

I'm going through changes
I'm going through changes

Don't know what I'm gonna do, but I just keep on going through changes

My friends can't understand this new me, that's understandable, man
But think how bananas you'd be, you'd be an animal too
If you were trapped in this fame and caged in it like a zoo
And everybody's looking at you, what you want me to do?
I'm starting to live like a recluse and the truth is,
Fame is starting to give me an excuse to be at a all time low
I sit alone in my home theater watching the same damn DVD of the first tour
The last tour, he was still alive and it hurts
So I fast forward, sleeping pills will make me feel alright
And if I'm still awake in the middle of the night
I'll just take a couple more, yeah, you're motherfucking right
I ain't slowing down for no one, I am almost homeward bound
Almost in a coma, yeah, homie, come on dole 'em out
"Daddy, don't you die on me, daddy, better hold your ground!"
Fuck, don't I know the sound of that voice, yeah, baby, hold me down

I'm going through changes
I'm going through changes

Don't know what I'm gonna do, but I just keep on going through changes

Wake up in the hospital full of tubes, but somehow I'm pulling through
Swear when I come back I'ma be bullet proof
I'ma do it just for Proof
I think I should state a few facts 'cause I may not get a chance again to say the truth
Shit, it just hit me that what if I would not have made it through
I think about the things I would have never got to say to you
I'd never get to make it right, so here's what I came to do
Hailie this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina too
I still love your mother, that'll never change
Think about her every day, we just could never get it together
Hey, wish there was a better way for me to say it
But I swear on everything, I'll do anything for her on any day
There are just too many things to explain
When it rains, guess it pours
Yes, it does, wish there wasn't any pain, but I can't pretend there ain't
I ain't placing any blame, I ain't pointing fingers
Heaven knows I never been a saint
I know that it feels like we just pissed away our history and just today
I looked at your picture, almost if to say, "I miss you", subconsciously
Wish it didn't end this way, but I just had to get away
Don't know why, I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm…

I'm going through changes
Don't know what I'm gonna do, but I just keep on going through changes
I'm going through changes