Dental hygiene dilemma

Good Conscience:
No, Jeff!

Bad Conscience:
Han toon ran toon ran toon
fran min han toon ran toon
nan toon fram

Good Conscience:
No no no

Jeff:
Man, this stuff is great!
It's just as if Donovan himself
Had appeared on my very own TV
With words of peace, love
And eternal cosmic wisdom...!
Leading me. Guiding me.
On paths of everlasting pseudo-karmic
Negligence in the very midst of my
Drug induced nocturnally emission

Good Conscience:
Oh, I am your good conscience, Jeff
I know all, I see all
I am a cosmic love pulse matrix
Becoming a technicolor interpositive

Jeff:
Mm? Where'd you buy that incense?
It's hip

Good Conscience:
It's the same and mysterious, exotic, oriental fragrance as what the Beatles get off on

Jeff:
I thought I recognized it
Sniff. Sniff. Mmm
What is that, musk? Mmm

Good Conscience:
Jeff, I know what's good for you

Jeff:
Right
You're heavy

Good Conscience:
Yes, Jeff
I am your guiding light
Listen to me
Don't rip off the towels, Jeff!

Bad Conscience:
Piss off, you little nitwit!

Jeff:
Hey, man, what's the deal?

Good Conscience:
Don't listen to him, Jeff!
He's no good
He'll make you do bad things!

Jeff:
You mean, he'll make me sin?

Good Conscience:
Yes, Jeff
SIN

Jeff:
Wow!

Bad Conscience:
Jeff, I'd like to have a word with you...
About your soul

Good Conscience:
No, don't listen, Jeff!

Bad Conscience:
Why are you wasting your life
Night after night
Playing this comedy music?

Jeff:
You're right
I'm too heavy to be in this group!

Bad Conscience:
Comedy music...

Good Conscience:
Jeff, your soul!

Chorus:
Oh... Too heavy to...

Jeff:
In this group all I ever get to do
Is play Zappa's comedy music
He eats!

Good Conscience:
Jeff!

Jeff:
I get so tense!

Bad Conscience:
Of course you do, my boy

Jeff:
The stuff he makes me do
Is always off the wall!

Bad Conscience:
That's why it would be best
To leave this stern employ

Jeff:
And quit the group!

Bad Conscience:
You'll make it big!

Jeff:
That's right!

Bad Conscience:
Of course!

Jeff:
And then I won't be small!

Chorus:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Jeff:
Cough! Cough!
Ahmet Ertegun used this towel as a bathmat
Six weeks ago at a rancid motel in Orlando,
Florida, with the highest mildew rating of
Any commercial lodging facility within the
Territorial limits of the United States
Naturally excluding tropical possessions...

Cough! Cough!
It's still damp!
What an aroma!
This is the best I ever got off!
What can I say about this elixir?

Try it on steaks
Cleans nylons, small craft warnings
it's made for the home
The office
On fruits!

Bad Conscience:
This is the real you, Jeff
Rip off a few more ashtrays
Get rid of some of that inner tension
Quit the comedy group!
Get your own group together!
Heavy!
Like Grand Funk!
Or Black Sabbath...

Good Conscience:
No, Jeff...

Jeff:
Like Coven!

Good Conscience:
Peace... Love...

Bad Conscience:
Bollocks!

Jeff:
What can I say about this elixir?

Mark:
Jeff is gone out there on that stuff!

Good Conscience:
He should have never have use the elixir
And only stuck to the incense
Oh, Atlantis...

Howard:
That was Billy the Mountain
Dressed up like Donovan fading out
On the wall mounted TV screen
Jeff is flipping out.
Road fatigue!
We've got to get him back to normal
Before Zappa points up and steals it
And makes him do it in the movie!

Bad Conscience:
You have a brilliant career ahead of you
My boy
Just get out of this group!

Mark:
Howard, that was Studebacher Hoch dressed up
Like Jim Pons, giving career guidance to the
Bass player of a rock oriented comedy group.
Jeff's imagination has gone beyond
The fringe of audience comprehension

Howard:
Jeff, Jeff, it's me, the Fluorescent Leech!

Mark:
Jeff, Jeff, it's me! Eddie!

Jeff:
Wooow!
What can I say about this elixir?

Mark: (Canal direito)
Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas,
(...) ground, and put it on your surfboard
so you won't slip off, and try it on your
(...), and on the, the red balloons, you
can blow up all balloons with it. Put it
on your... on your... on your pizzas, put
it on your shoes, tie your mic with it,
and fill up your tires with it

Howard: (centro)
Use it to clean your swimming pool
Sell it to your mother tell her
It's a Rit tie-dye kit
You won't even believe what'll
Happen when you starch your shirt with it
Ironing goes easier and your car windows
Never looked better in your whole life
Ladies and gentlemen, you can inhale it
And it makes your voice three keys higher
And you can't even stand what happens
When you put it on your hair
As hair tonic, heh, heh.
And if you ever tried it as it

Jim Pons: (canal esquerdo)
Soak your shirts in it,
soak your teeth in it
Let it play the piano
Follow it around the block
Wear it instead of jeans
Bathe you puppies with it
Feed it to your ducks
Use it
Instead of chlorine in your swimming pool
Breathe it. Love it

Jeff:
What?
Woooooow!
What can I?
Woooooow!
What?
What can I say about this?
Woooooow!