Be still my beating off

If it's easier to discuss this
privately without you dad the
minister who doesn't take
kindly to your pursuits then
I'll oblige.
Was it you that was found
with your pants down
watching your favourite cartoon
yelling at the shopkeeper
for the changing of the channel
say to your self:
"Be still my beating off"
well it may be inappropriate
for someone in your position
as a cop to satisfy
yourself at the local blue light disco
say to yourself:
"Be still my beating off"
there's no crime when you choose your time
and your place to masturbate in a public place
you will be disgraced, it's your right to choose
whether or not you want to be on the news.
Well I'm sure the judge will
look lightly
on your case considering I saw him
earlier at the footy
having a quick one off the wrist then
say to yourself:
"Be still my beating off"