Up here in the north of england

Travelling overseas I was accosted by a student
Who asked me where I came from, she was pretty
Children don't put smack in your veins
Lennon cut his teeth here
And the party-pooping left wing
Wouldn't play the Tories game
We're always in the market for an off-beat love affair
With a foreign delegation condescending for a share
Of a pressure cooker spouting steam
That threatens to unload
With a power so formidable
The Russian bear is in the woods somewhere

Television comedians united in approval
The drama that confronts you with real people in real times
I'm only in a band because I failed my own audition
You have to see somebody suffer other than yourself
Right now we're in a jam
We'll call you back when we get straight
'Cos Townsend's coming 'round
He understands, he won't be late
There's lots of food for thought
But not a great deal on our plate
The southerners don't like us
Who can blame 'em seems we're always in the spotlight

We're always in the market for an off-beat love affair
Heseltine came up now trees are sprouting everywhere
McDonalds finally found us and we're folklore in Turin
We used to pull the ships in
Now we're goin' down
Look at the state we're in