Internal killing machine

feeling alive but dead
inside choking on my pride delusions in my
own mind why has this become my enemy what is this but the real me internal killing machine so now I'll stand up buried in my guilt eyes covered deep in soot now feeling disgust for my own fucking rage oh my god why is there so much fucking blood look at me I am worth just the price of mud internally I am dying drowning mentally I want out but I'm too comfy can't you see it's gone too far for right now it's gone way far past help it all changed once I snorted it all changed so much just don't fuck around with this face from the dark skinning the memories peeling open the centuries things are not the same as before then this is not the same as before then you are not the same as before then I am not the same as before then you you were abused confused a new identity substance abuse took you away from me and left me here swallow it down a new form of morphine I drown hooked on mescaline living fiend cocaine valium I'll take anything orphenadrine will do an oxy for the pain throw me into your stupid rehab won't work the type I will always need more more