Scientology = wtf?

Let me drop some science on Scientology
L. Ron Hubbard's weird sci-fi philosophy
They cloud theology in top-secrecy
Technology, mythology, and no apology
1952 was when it all began
Started on a bet by a frustrated man
His books weren't selling, so L. Ron thought fast,
He'd start a new religion and make a lot of cash
Alien rulers, past lives, tone scales,
Copy written texts and scary emails
Shutting up the critics, court battles left and right
Mysterious deaths in the middle of the night
Personality tests, E-meters, Narconon,
Time Square recruitment from dusk to dawn
All this from the guy who wrote "Battlefield Earth"
Salvation for a fee, let's see what your soul's worth

There's a place in Florida where you've got friends
We'll help you transcend if you give us those ends
(Party at the church of Scientology!)
Don't call it a cult, you just don't understand
Write us a check and take our hand
(Party at the church of Scientology!)

Actors are a target for their army of elite
They feed their self-esteem and make them feel complete
They mess with their minds, just look at Tom Cruise,
jumping on the couch during Oprah's interviews
John Travolta fights thetans in his Florida estate
piloting his plane, Dianetics books-on-tape
Beck counts past lives in a temple in Bel-Air,
Katie Holmes stays home and plays pregnant solitaire
Isaac Hayes still pays to reach that upper-level state
But left South Park when they hated on his faith
Sonny Bono made donations, should have bought better skis,
Doug E. Fresh recruits haters on the mic as he MCs
Juliette Lewis, Jason Lee, and Chaka Kahn
Because of L. Ron all their money is gone
Chick Corea, Kirstie Alley, and Nancy Cartwright
Host weekly prayer circles under UFO headlines

Once you step into the temple, your troubles will be gone
We'll get you back on track, everybody sing along
(Party at the church of Scientology!)
Don't listen to the lies, you know they're all untrue
So why not come on down, 'cause we're waiting for you!
(Party at the church of Scientology!)

So that's Scientology, P-S-E-U-D-O
R-E-L-I-G-I-O-N you've heard so now you know
They drain your cash fast, so as long as you agree,
You can't put a price on freedom when it's coming C.O.D.
Okay, they ruin lives and it sounds like science fiction
What about Noah's Ark, Jesus and the crucifiction?
Faith is subjective, you can't say who's right or wrong,
Though I'll probably end up missing just for writing this song

Hey did you guys hear that the Easter Bunny's bringing Bigfoot to the meeting tonight?

Stay away!
Stay away!
Stay away from SCIENTOLOGY!
Stay away from SCIENTOLOGY!