Cotsco

DIANA
In the olden days of shopping
a mother thought of stopping
in the village at the tiny general store.
But today the modern mommy
who needs turnips or salami
takes the SUV to somewhere where there's more.
She rolls that giant cart right through that giant, giant door.

Costco, oh oh oh, costco.
Where the lonely and lost go to buy what they lack.
Where baked beans and hammers come twelve to a pack.
There mayonaise and vats and tampons and hats!
There's mac and cheese in packs of threes
and teas imported from Belize
and extra excitement in store.
For women like me who need more, and more, and more!

Like stereos and bar-be-ques and wine and giant boxes.
And bad cds and dvds and bvds and sockses!
And a cherry pie so giant I don't know where to begin
I might slice myself a slice or I might dive the hell right in!

Here's a gallon tub of cottage cheese, the kind with giant curds
and the chocolate coated chocolate is just too divine for words.
Though the woman with the samples caught me coming back for thirds!

[spoken]
Well, fuck 'er! Who is she to judge me? Stupid sample lady.

[sung]
Costco, buh dup buh dup, Costco!
Where the tired tempest-tossed go to save their insides.
With champagne and sweatpants and radio tires
With children to feed I know what I need.

(backup: Cheddar cheese!)
And one super block of cheddar jack cheese
They make super doorstops, I'll take three please.
(backup: Oooh)
Doritos and Fritos and Cheetos and such...
The choice is the choosing--

[spoken]
it's a little bit much...

[sung]
It's salmon and soy beans and salt and sorbet.
A wurlitzer organ I can't even play!
A washer, a dryer, a plasma tv!
And thirteen new britas, the fourteenth is free!
And three new computers, we need them no doubt!
And printers and WHAT? you say that you're out?
So have them sent here from some other store
and send them to me in tears on the floor!

I'll just be lying here waiting for more, and more, and more, and more,
and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and moooore!

[spoken]
Gimme that.

[sung]
Aaaaaaand... More!

[spoken]
Clean up, aisle seven!