My pathetic past

No prize for congeniality
Never knew popularity
The ugly stick had wished
To one day become a swan
Always picked last for sports teams
Got cheated out of my wet dream
I missed out on teenage sex
Was too busy beating off to reader's digest

Well I can't help but laugh
at my pathetic past
From now on things will be different
Every day will now be recess

Beaten up by football jocks
Forced to hide in toilet stalls
Chased home by rabid dogs
Somehow survived it all
'Kick Me' sign taped to my back
I had to run out of my art class
Shit rolling out of my slacks
Chasing me down the stairwell