I ran away

I remember back when I was still in school
These bullies always picked on me, they called me a fool
They knocked me on the ground!
They rubbed dog poop in my ears!
They kicked me, they punched me,
They said, "Come on and fight me you wimp!"

(What'd you do??!!)

I faked I had an injury then I ran away

I ran away, I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
The children always laughed at me after that day
When I said I tore my ACL and I ran away

I was playing one day in my backyard
When I made the perfect snowball, round and smooth and hard
I spotted nasty Ted Jablonski!
I let fly the perfect snowball!
It smashed the neighbour's windshield!
They neighbour came out and said, "Who the hell did that?!"

(What'd you do??!!)

I pointed at my sister and then I ran away

I ran away, I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
My sister was grounded for three years and a day
So said she was adopted and then I ran away

I was walking with my girlfriend one night
Two guys were sitting on a bench, they pointed at her and said,
"She's a fat, ugly tramp!"
"She smells like peanut butter!"
"She's a loser!"
"She's pedantic!"
"She's a mediocre soccer player!"
My girl said, "Make them stop!"

(What'd you do??!!)

I dumped my girlfriend on the spot and I ran away

I ran away, I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
The honour of my woman was on the line that day
So I told my girlfriend I was gay and I ran away

I was walking by myself last week
When the devil himself appeared in front of me
He had fire all around him!
He smelled like a burning tire dump!
He opened his mouth, he pointed at me and he said,
"Mike, you're next!"

(What'd you do??!!)

I came up to the devil!
I poked the devil on the shoulder!

I said, "Look over there," and then I ran away.

I ran away, I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
I'm hoping that the devil smokes two packs a day
'Cause my day of reckoning is here and I ran away

I ran away, I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
Whenever I was challenged I collapsed like a souffle
But I'm still alive to sing this song 'cause I ran away

Oh yes I ran
(oh yes he ran)
Oh yes I ran
(oh yes he ran)
I ran away!