My last act

Fill the basin with my hands
Your strong shoulders in my head
Soft soap splashing on the rim
I keep wishing i was him
Cobweb fluttering 12 ft up
Above the basin where i [?]
Soap and fingernails
Dirty imagined intimate details
I go to the garage where on the wall
1010 daddy long legs crawl
A crazy notion tracks through my mind
An electrical shudder shoots up and down my spine
I run to the kitchen grab a pot & lid
And i rush to the garage before i knew what i did
I was raking the gentle? spiders into that pot
Then i was sitting at the kitchen table feeling so cold and so hot
In a moment i move to get a cereal bowl
Then i'm back at the table and before i know
What exactly i had done, i pulled the legs off every one
[the little black buttons…?] in front of me it looked like a bowl of black eyed peas
? in the top, poured it into the cuisinart
I reached in the cupboard and i grabbed a lid
Of tequila and i pour that in, push the button and it starts to chop
[ my heart can hardly contain my thumping heart?]
My last act on this earth will be to chug a lug a mixture and hope for the worst