Your horoscope for today

Aquarius!
Theres travel in your future when your tounge freezes to the backof a speeding bus,
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-a-mole 17hours a day.

Picies!
Try to aviod any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola Viruis
You are the true lord of the dance,
No matter what those idiots at work say

Aires!

The look on your face will be priceless when you find that 40pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf,
And give a hickey to Maryil Streep.

Taurus!
You will never find true happiness,
What you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict that tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch ofstuff, and then go back to sleep.

Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today
Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today

Gemini!
Your birthday party will be ruined once again, by your explosiveflatulance,
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancie throws ajavilin through your chest.

Cancer!
The position of Jupiter says that you should spend the rest ofthe week face down in the mud,
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while takingyour driving test.

Leo!
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and tape it to yourbosses face, oh no,
Eat a bucket of tuna flavored pudding and wash it down with agallon of strawberry Quick

Virgo!
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligence, EXCEPT FORYOU!
Expect a big suprise today, when you wind up with your headimpaled upon a stick.

Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today
Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconciveable or at the very least a bitunlikely,
that the relitive position of the planets and the stars couldhave
could a special deep significance or meaning that exclusivelyapplies to only you,
But let me give you my assurance that these forcasts andpredictions,
are all based on on solid scientific documented evidence,
so you would have to be some kind of moron,
not to realize that every single one of them is absoultely true,Where was I?

Libra!
A big promotion is just around the corner,
for someone much more talented than you!
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when yourappendix bursts next week.

Scorpio!
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from anopen window,
Work a little bit harder on improving you low self esteem, youstupid freak.

Sagitatirius!
All your friends are laughing behind your back, Kill Them....
Take down all the naked pictuires of Ernest Borgiene you've gothanging in your den.

Capricorn!
The stars say you're a exciting and wonderful person, but youknow they're lying,
If I were you I'd lock my doors and windows and never, never,never, never, never, leave my house again

Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today
Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today