Wizard of the year

GILDEROY:
Who's wiser than a warlock, and tougher than a troll,
and charming as a candy cane?
Faster than a phoenix, sly as a sphinx,
and always set to entertain?
Here to give this sagging tale a hero to employ.
Look up to the skies, now look in my eyes,
it's Gilderoy!
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Who's handsome as a hobbit, and manly as a mare,
and always gives the girls a wink?
Who's funny as a ferret, and quick as a quill,
and always sings without a lip sync?
Here to rid your nostrils of that dreadful Potter boy
'cause that smell in the air is the marvelous flair of
scuse me, Gilderoy!
Long ago lived a fellow who caught your eye,
Hair that curled in a beautiful fro.
Now it's gone, and replaced with a suit and tie,
dancing in a variety show.
Oh, where did he go? Does he even care at all?
Recently, he's been acting very queer.
Every day, his story grows more and more banal,
And Voldemort isn't coming this year.
Gilderoy is here to fill your short attention span.
Why look at that wonder boy,
when you could be looking at a wonder man?
GIRLS:
We could be looking at a wonder man!
GILDEROY:
Who was Wizard of the Year seven times in seven years?
(spoken) Who was it?
KIDS:
Gilderoy!
GILDEROY:
Who conquered all his fears and made a bogart disappear?
(spoken) go on say it!
KIDS:
Gilderoy!
GILDEROY:
Who taught a yeti how to sing?
Walked in to Mordor and destroyed the ring?
Battled a banshee and came out a champ?
trapped Jafar inside of a lamp?
Stories of wonder for each girl and boy
Paperback or hardback, for you to enjoy
Form an orderly line,
KIDS:
It's Gilderoy!
(As they sings this, everyone forms a line and walks up one at a time, handing over cash for
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books, headshots, pieces of lint from Gilderoy's armpits, etc)
GILDEROY:
Ladies one at a time!
KIDS:
It's Gilderoy!
GILDEROY:
Give me something to sign!
KIDS:
It's Gilderoy!
GILDEROY:
All sales are final.
Soon the school will be mine!
EVERYONE:
It's Gilderoy!!