Hieeee

Everybody, welcome to the show
The rules of engagement are really quite simple
So if you can pull yourself away from grindr for two seconds, listen up

The use of flash photography is strictly mandatory
Do you think I look like this just so I can exist in your feeble memory?
Take a picture and I'll last forever
Get your drinks now people
The more you drink, the prettier we look

Is this your boyfriend, honey?
Not anymore

Tipping is compulsory
If you don't know what compulsory means, I'll spell it out for you: Tip. These. Men.
It takes a lot of money to look this cheap, darling
Be kind to your entertainers

If you see a flaw, squint
If you see a bulge, don't be mad
Some of the most beautiful women in the world have gigantic penises

If you see something you don't like,
Something unseemly or offensive,
Something vile or disgusting
We'll be happy to take your complaints after the show
At the corner of fuckyouandgofuckyourselfavenue.com
I'll see you there
Bring a sweater

If you think you can do better, sweetheart, I implore you
Put on a wig and mash your mouth around to other people's music for four and a half minutes
It's not as easy as it looks

Do you need a hairpiece?
Here, you can borrow mine
Show generosity to these monstrosities
Respect, kindness, compassion

And most of all, whenever possible
Tell us we look gorgeous
Tell us we look gorgeous
Tell me I look gorgeous

Do I look gorgeous?
(Yeah!)
Okay, but how about sexy?
(Yeah!)
Okay alright, but how about sensual?
(Yeah!)
Alright, but how about breathtaking? Geez!
(Yeah!)
I swear it's like pulling teeth to get a little tiny compliment out of you people

Now let's review, everybody

Your makeup is terrible
If you're not wearing nails, you're not doing drag
Don't ever touch my hair
Anus
I love your pussy
Give me all your money
Absolutely
Come on nature, come on natch, come on buildup, okay?!

Hieeee!
Hieeee!

Everybody, everywhere
Everybody, everywhere