October blue

I want to breathe you in through my nose and mouth
I want to watch you fill me and come spilling back out
I want to drink you to drowning, I want to be consumed
Like flames and air, like green into gold, like sound and silence
Deep silent October blue

And it reminds me of that dream that I had, the one where I swam out into the ocean
And I found myself surrounded by all the people that I love
But I could feel myself sinking from the weight of their need
I couldn't hold us all up, it was them or me

And that was the first time I felt that decision slap me in the face
I looked down and I saw all the way to the bottom
I had a choice to make

I swam out of their circle and I prayed they wouldn't drown
The whales and dolphins played in a world with no bounds
And they called out to me, they let me swim with them
I felt their power beneath me, and I followed them, I followed them

And yesterday at the beach I drew a whale in the sand, it brought tears to my eyes
As we calmly discussed just who was leaving whom, and why
And your shirt looked like the burning sun and the sand was dry and warm
And leaves living green and dying red fell along the tired, frightened shore

And as we gazed at the water and then at the sky
I thought this might be the only color
That could hold all the pain and all the hope of you and I