Rusted bell

We hugged and said good-bye
I said, I'm sure we'll write and call a lot, or at least we'll try
And you said, yeah, but it'll never be the same
And I said I know, but I didn't know, I didn't know what that meant
And here it is, three years later
And you were right, it's not the same at all, everything's changed
I don't know your number by heart anymore
I haven't seen you new house, I don't know your husband

And it started out feeling like a long summer vacation
But then we never came back to school
I didn't feel like you made that much of an effort
You didn't really try
Or maybe I just fooled myself into thinking we didn't have to say goodbye

And I walk around my house now
Snapping pictures of the rooms, trying to remember how it smells
That's where we always put up the Christmas tree
That's where we pulled on overalls, where I screamed when she told me
And we saved baby lambs on freezing nights
We sat upstairs listening to fights, we brought in wood and cut the lawn
We rang a rusted bell and kittens came running
And I sang at the piano, and now I have to say goodbye

And just like you this place can live without me
It already belongs to someone else
And maybe I'll come visit, but not too often, and not for a long time
'Cause I'm going to try to say it, and try to feel it, and try to mean it this time
When I say goodbye

And I cried when I showed up at your house that day
You were lying there immobile, there were strangers on the porch
And I grabbed your hand and told you who I was
And I touched your sunken cheek and I asked you if you could blink
And you moaned and tried to tell me that you loved me
You wanted to help, you wanted to hold me and I wanted to be held
But I said you don't have to say a word
I already know, I've already heard and I sobbed on your thin shoulder

So despite your intentions it's really come down to this
There's nowhere left for either of us to hide
I mean it when I say that you're with me, you'll always be
But still I wish you'd say it, I wish you'd look me in the eye and just tell me
That this is goodbye