This cursed blood

All my failures begging for an end.
These false promises becoming anchors
Drowning with the hopes of something real.
Estranged to this person I've become
I feel contempt and diseased.
Solidifying my hatred of forced existence.
Pestilence pulses through my veins
Paralyzing me.
It keeps me from draining it all.

This place I dwell is a hollowed man.
Boarded up and black with rot.
I dream in better lights with less reflection.
Shadows upon shadows cast inside

Like death masks piled on until there’s no identity.
I know there must be more to me.

I raise my eyes upward, into the night.
Into the darkness that existed before the light.
Downward to death, the foundation of all life.

Sigil marked for non-existence.
This cursed blood can't kill what's already dead inside.

It becomes misplaced to those I call friends.
As I attempt to terraform this misery.

Caustic is my nature.
Eroding life around me
Self-hatred binds my will to change.

As a lion let me drink from blood of your Christ
Awaiting salvation with open jaws
Shepherding hope into the belly of the beast.
Digesting tired faith and shitting out lies

I don't deserve happiness.
I haven't earned the right to self-peace.
Preservation through malice is the irony
As I'm consumed with thoughts of death.
When time comes
I'll enter my forest with no ribbon, just rope.