Holding back

Seems like I have to change my life
It's on my shoulders today
But how can I go about my change
when I'm used to my old ways?

For awhile I could hide
Pretend that nothing bothered me
I thought that would make it better
But I can't hide forever

What do you expect from me?
I'm not trying to hold back
I've heard this all before
After all that I've said,
You don't understand me
Just don't take it personally

I'm insecure playing love's games
My past relationships to blame
Still I can't just stand aside
Watching life passing me by
Absorbing every word you said

I know it's not what you had planned
I hope one day you'll understand