Meant to turn you on not crack you up

I meant to make you dinner but I burned the steak
So I booked a restaurant but we got there late
So we both had to settle for some curley fries
Extra value menu at least it was super sized

I meant to turn you on not crack you up
I wish I knew just what it took to fill your loving cup
I wanted to put my moves on ya but im fresh outta luck
I meant to turn you on not crack you up

I meant to light the candles when the curtains caught fire
when I tried to put it out I tripped on some speaker wire
I thought I'd make it better with a sexy dance
When I did my one two step I ripped my pants

I put my arm around you and poked you in the eye
I went in for a kiss and my bad breath made you cry
I turned down the bed and we were almost there
Until you got a glance at my ole holy underwear