The funeral

Once again, my caution bends to soft amnesia
As I forget that I've been here before
The melatonin fails again, and melancholy settles in
My mouth neglects the shape of words that I know you adored
And every night it hurts a little more

And I can't seem to satiate
The sadness that still resonates
Every bone in me will break
Beneath the weight of guilt that I can't place

If my happiness isn't permanent, then I am no more than a surrogate father
Lead to the alter to marry the mother despite all of my reservations
If the joy that I feel is so juvenile, how do I reconcile
All the aggression that I seem to harbour?
The selfish depression that makes it so hard to feel loved?

Promise me you'll stay a while, I know I ask you all the time
Must be getting hard to pretend
And safe in the warmth of the sun I let myself undress
Revealing wounds that time neglects
Hesitant, I acquiesce to the softest embrace of your bed

Where shamefully I supplicate
For anything that seems to sooth my aches
Watch me as I dissipate
Dissolve into a solvent fear of change

Despondency bleeds into everything
Removing my hands from the wheel of the vehicle
I couldn't care at all
Sing me to sleep with my mellifluous misery
Drunk and delusional, numb at the funeral
Love was once sacrosanct
But now it resembles the sound of a language that I am scared to speak