Summer again

Summer again and this world stands still in my heart
Beats bare
Just like sandpaper
It is relief
From the cold of the air and the still greater chill within
My fate is my face

If I make it through just one more year
Without losing this ever-fading grin
Twitch the corners of my mouth
Sprinting downwards this losing race
Until the leaves return
I hope it still feels the same

When it's gone
When the shadows cease to follow
Will I be a man?
Am I worthy of that label?
But as for now
The greyness of the outside
Just reflects
It mirrors me alive
no
It hasn't felt the same
These past four fucking years
I know the warming air
Won't truly alight my heart
But it's better to hope for the hopeless
Than for nothing at all

Gives me something to believe in
If I could see you I'd give you my tears
Gives me something to believe in
Bottled as if a quaint commodity
Gives me shelter leaves me bleeding
Something to stop me from sleeping
Every minute of the day
And save me from the atrophy
Faded initials encased in a heart
Carved into the side of a fallen tree