What it means to be defeated

So they read the news today, you had vanished without a trace
And you lacked the spine to turn your back and say goodbye
Now you’re just a ghost that occupies my thoughts, my every move
All mountains for me to move
Still I tell myself I’ll be just fine

All these excuses lead me to a sun never rising again
You were not someone I knew, just someone I learned to see through

You were lying when you said we’d be permanent
When did I become, the one to give up?

When did I become, a transition to the next one?
Maybe this won’t need to be repeated
Maybe it’s to show me what it means to be defeated

Wasn’t it enough, to trade your bed for lust, and tear me limb from limb?
Hopeless heart, held inside of a desperate soul
Smile while you’re stabbing me in the back again

Precious knife held inside of a man who waits to die
Could you send, from my skin, and show me one person I can put my trust in
Bring me the sun, wake me up from, my dreams of giving up now
I want to believe there’s permanence in me

When did I become the one to give up on?