Near end experience

So much goes wrong, so much brings me down
I'll just leave this shit, try to find new things that count
So hard to keep myself sane and not to show my mind to others
So easy to swallow the sorrow, but one day I will choke
Raping life's rules make me feel
A near end experience
A fear to change this situation
Is stronger than all pain
People say catharsis means to hurt yourself
Both ways will do, which one shall I walk?
I am unclean, full of doubts, but this will fucking change
To be consequent is hard but fais
There are seven days left and still it is a question of execution
The times of cowards are over, I must show strength
A new-born mind on fire
To resist the seduction, do it to free yourself