Eighteen weeks

Selfishness is disease
I hope it won't take me
I hope it won't break me
Like it's breaking all my friends

Any means to an end
Is it really that fucked up that I'd rather be dead
I know this will make me vulnerable
But I have to know
Did you ever care more than you showed?

When you left you for eighteen weeks
Did you ever think of me?
I hope that when you crack a smile
I fill your headspace for a while

If you ever wondered why I'm always scared
I've seen people change they remain unaware
Like their loved ones were never there
I'm reaching out, I wish you cared

Would you dream of me?
Even when I slip into anxiety
Would you believe in me?
Even if it cost you everything

Would you dream of me?
When you sleep?
I hear you calling my name
The air on your teeth
When you speak of me

When you left you for eighteen weeks
Did you ever think of me?
I hope that when you crack a smile
I fill your headspace for a while

If you ever wondered why I'm always scared
I've seen people change they remain unaware
Like their loved ones were never there
I'm reaching out, I wish you cared

Would you dream of me?
Even when I slip into anxiety
Would you believe in me?
Even if it cost you everything

Would you dream of me?
When you sleep?

I hear you calling my name
The air on your teeth
When you speak of me

It's complicated but I think I'll be fine
Because you can't turn the clock and you can't rewind

Still jaded, I missed all the signs
20/20 vision, but with you I'm blind

So hold your tongue and let me speak
When you left it left me weak
Let's find out how far I sink
Tie anchors to my feet

When you left you for eighteen weeks
Did you ever think of me?
I hope that when you crack a smile
I fill your headspace for a while

If you ever wondered why I'm always scared
I've seen people change they remain unaware
Like their loved ones were never there
I'm reaching out, I wish you cared