Lost within my self

The chaos came: desires and passions
Destroy my mind
The strikes of heart and thoughts
Can not get normal
The innertion takes me
To the lost points far away
Once the feelings being so comfortable calm
Become unruled and wild and pulsing
The usual state of things
Ceased to exist
There stayed my pain
The feeling of delight jealousy and passion
I remain the same
I do not change
I play, manipulate and let the others
Do with me the same, and then enoure
I change surrounding and then
Come back again. I find and lose
The relaxation is found only
In the unbridled passion
In desire to dissolue or disappear
But all in all the feeling now is nealized
The one I cannot understand
It tries to conguen me and get me back
And to restore all what was lost
And that was just the decay of my soul
The memories which are passionate and sweet
Are mixed with everyday occurance
Will I ever feel the other way?
Please, present me with a gift
Of the other state