Wasted time

I watch myself pretend to live.
I keep doing things I don't want to do.
Abused, obedient, deceived. I follow the current.
The river bank is far away. The waterfall at the end.
To leave the current for once.
Dead tired, I'm waiting for help.
Understanding more end more every minute.
It's less tiring not to fight the current.
When I recover my strength. I'll try to make my way out.
I pass round something there's no way back to any more.