The large genitals song

i've got large genitals, that i show to elderly women, at the
cost of 5 dollars a head. i've got large genitals, bigger than your
mother's, and i just showed them to a guy named Fred.
oh lord. it's hard to be blessed like this: large testicles, and a large
penis. who could ask for anything more? they're lyin' when they say size
doesn't matter. imagine how hard it is on my bladder. i can't go sideways
through my front door.
(chorus)
there's a million uses for my dick. i whip it out, and locks i can pick.
like a swiss army knife only bigger. it likes a martini with a twist of
lime. it's a philanthropist, and it fights crime. did you know that george
burke is a wigg