August (part 2)

I’m gonna chisel away at this rock until I get the shape that I want
And then I’m gonna continue to chisel it
Because that’s what I do when I find myself in a new relationship
Because I remember when this started out as mud mixed with water
That turned to clay and I would watch it break and break
And look more like the image that I wanted to make

And it’s pathetic I know, but it’s all anyone ever gave.
‘Cause I was born a virgin covered in blood and free of sin
And that’s the exact shape I wanna make when I jump off this bridge.
I’m tired of trying to be something that I can’t be
And I’m tired of fighting for something that I can’t see
I’m finding new life in every regret and finding regrets in everything I forget

And the second I’m at peace I’m thrown off by my need
To make everything complete, ‘cause I’m a sucker for the rule of threes
You hurt me and I hurt you. But when I hurt you, something needed to happen
To give me some sort of closure. And I’m sorry for my poor posture
I just can’t stand up straight and take this like a man today, I’m too broken

And there’s so many things I wanna say, if only you will listen
And I’ll put my fingers in the door, so when I close it on you, maybe I’ll hurt a little bit too
I’ll put my fingers in the door, so when I close it on you, I’ll hurt a little bit too
Because the only reason I held onto you was because I felt I had nothing left
And the deeper I carve into this rock I realize
It’s not gonna fit into the shape that I want, so I quit.

Because I’ve always been afraid to fall in love
Because there’s something about falling, that just doesn’t sound worth it
And I said it before and I’ll say it again,
“It was problematic at best, because you beckoned me
And you lessened me, and no other love would accommodate
My blindfold so easily.” but now I can see.
Now I can see.

God, I gave you all of my love, but I can’t see past this hurt
God, I gave you all of my love, so now what do I give to her?
God, I gave you all of my love, I just can’t see past this hurt
God, I gave you all of my love, so what am I supposed to give to her?

Cause I’m terrified
I’m terrified
But I’ve never felt so alive.
I’m terrified
I’m terrified
But I’ve never felt so alive.