Changes consume me

It's a terrible statement
But I never let it leave my side
That sickening realization
That I'm done with this fight
Moments kneeling on the bedroom floor
Sickened by the entity I had absorbed, no more
I would not let the self-scrutinizing endeavor endure
A precipice a monologue questioning my every motive
My disaster stricken heart feeling broken
My emotions quoted spilling out of a broken vase
Taking the place of what was once your emotion

Diluted with tears, an open book
Scribbled with fears engraved pools of ink I'm vocally shook
And I'm tired of telling myself that it's gonna change

Taken by the spectacular lie that existence can end
Faulse-hoods predicted my sinners dictated my every decision

An exit of sorts seemed logical
Cause I thought I could silence this breath
But contrary to my mindset
I circumvented my threats to silence the demons
Singing songs in my head whispering in my ear
That ending it all is a safe bet

Comforting me as I try to manipulate my end
Those moments when I decided I couldn't handle this anymore!
Pins and needles infected every sensation I had left!

Feeling like this love I had once found
Had been torn open and left broken in the cold
And the seams holding it together ripped open
And my flesh tore open with that is
I pray that my breathing would stop

And as I held those staining memories
I held on so tightly remembering what life used to mean
Selfishly ready to embrace the fact that I am weak!

But then I called to you
And I hoped someone would find me
And I found you, and I had hoped someone would call me!
Cause I'm listening to these echoes of my own voice
Leaving damage in the cold
As I feel I have finally grown to the point where I can snap
A point of knowing I could never go back

And it's in the moments I felt most alone
That I told myself no one was there for me
And little did I know, love with sitting right beside me
I just wasn't listening
At this point in my life I don't know many things
But I can promise you this
You are loved completely