Constant conflicts

I spent too much time erasing, not enough time changing
Blurring the lines between sick and selfish
Hoping I can grab on for just a second
But I've learned to take what I can get
And use the parts that makes sense
And relent only when I meet my own death
And find a pace I can circumvent
When was truth less about proving a point and just proving someone wrong
All along I'll rest my aching joints to my own broken hope and swan song
But maybe I'm over worked because I like breaking the healing process as a comfort when I'm aching
With this new perspective I'm finally taking

I made this bed and I will sleep in it
The comfort of your [?]
I made this bed and I will sleep in it
Even if [?] to a bed of nails

Death is not a choice and love should not be either
I'll endure the pain if our hearts endure the weather
The only pain worse than killing with force is killing with neglect I guess
And now I know that our love was completely dead
I will complicate this love just to feel something
And I'm sorry if it's clouded all the facts
The rhythm of my heartbeat change in the moment that I realized you are not coming back
I will complicate this love just to feel something
And I'm sorry if it's clouded all the facts
The rhythm of my heartbeat change in the moment that I conceptualize the words I masked

I made this bed and I will sleep in it
The comfort of your [?]
I will give up all I have just to go back home
I'm [?]
I hope you know I hate being alone

You used to make my mind clear
Now your absence does instead
I heard your dog barking in the backyard
He only does that when you're home
And I just hope you understand
I never meant to grow apart
But I know at some point I had to grow
I guess I could've picked a better time to learn patience
But now I'm learning that I am becoming the one who broke my heart
I was a creature of habit but with no real intentions
I conformed to what I understood to be happiness
Or undiagnosed telf medicated approach to getting lost in each other's contemptment lead to a misconception of your beauty
I still can't believe that I lied to you
Especially because when I said it, I thought I was telling the truth
I thought I was strong enough to carry you but now my mind is clear
And I hope you hear this
I love you