Lose one friend

Watching muscles ache
From the stress in your back
Waiting for bones to break
From the weight of what you lack
I would spend all my time helping you find truth
And it really cuts like a knife knowing I can't save you
Because saying goodbye hurts the worst
When you know it's the final word
It comes across like a curse and
I can't believe you said it first
So now the final word on the final page
Of the final chapter of this narrative we made
Is my weak conscious whispering words through my mouth
The very words I prayed would never come out

I kept clinging onto the past and
Hoped the future would be the same
We would cry and laugh knowing the past would not remain
And I would argue with God
Every night I would lie awake
And lie to myself, hoping all of this was fake

Because I got a new perspective on general anesthetics
When you finally went to see Jesus,
And all your family learned how to believe in a void
Because that's all that they could see in us
Cigarette smoke and broken words
My heard became the platform
For everything they hated the most
And I stayed clear of the lack
Hoping somebody would come by and cut this rope

Your apartment got so empty when you
Moved to that city with the streets of gold
And I know what you meant when you said
This room can grow so terribly cold
And I wrestled with the idea of taking your place
But I know that if anyone deserves
A break from this world of pain
It's you, it's not me
And I'm still asleep

It's not about being there for me
It's about respecting me enough
To tell me why you're not.
So I'll just slip back into my sleep
There's a demon in my casket and
I think that we've fallen in love
And most nights, I wish it was you