Hey, kid

Hey kid, everyone's waiting on you, kid
Everyone's wondering what you'll do, kid
It's true, kid
Me too, kid

Hey kid, we're so excited just to know you'll soon be here
Say kid, we're both delighted though it may not seem so clear
But I did my OB rotations so I know my ins-ands-outs
And you're an act if God's creation so I'm fine with all the doubts

I'm a doctor and a soldier, I've been shelled and under fire
But kid, if I say that you don't scare me, I'm a liar
Now kid, you did surprise me though I know the facts of life
Wow kid, it terrifies me just to say, "My pregnant wife."
'Cause kid, I gotta tell you I'm not ready not a bit

There's this macho act I'll sell you, while inside I lose my shit
It's not that I don't want you, 'cause I do despite my fears
But kid, is it true you'll stick around for eighteen years
Then the call comes on the iPhone

I grab a cab cross town
I find her on the fourth floor
They've got her in a gown
She's never looked less lovely
She's a grump and she's got gas
And the labor's eighteen hours

Oh my God kid, move your ass
Then at last you make your entrance
And kid you're quite a sight
I'll be honest you're disgusting
But I know that you're all right
Though your screaming and you're spitting
And I can't quite see your charms
They clean you and they clothe you and they put you in my arms
And I realize in an instant that I've known you all along
That I've wanted you forever that I'll never do you wrong
And whatever this world comes to
Whatever comes our way

I will watch and protect you
I promise kid, we'll be okay
We'll be okay
We'll be okay, kid
I feel like yelling, ring the bell and bang the drum
Say kid, there's just no telling all the things that you'll become
And I think we'll have some fun here

Your mom and you and me
But before your time is done here
Kid of mine, I hope you'll see
That this life is what you make it

It's cliche which means it's true
And kid, it makes my life to know I helped make you
As a father, kid, I may not have a clue
But your mom and me will somehow muddle through
If my asshole dad can do it, I can too
In fact, I'll do better. I'll start new
'Cause kid, my kid, our kid I love you!