Forty-one false starts

I've been feeling like the old man and the sea,
You asked me if I was over it,
I'll never be,
It's all been torn apart,
Forty-one false starts.
If I could be so brave,
A little lenny bruce, like I didn't care.
I'm working on it,
I am working,
See these hands are so very tired.
I feel like such a loser on some dumb crusade.
I feel so caught between this whole love and hate thing.
So what if I wear a bullseye on my heart,
Forty-one false starts.
So much is left unsaid.
I wanted to clear the air,
You said it was perfectly clear.
I'm working on it,
I am working,
See these hands are so very tired.