This isn't happening

And I have done this before
And I've seen, and I've seen
And I have been here before
And I've seen, and I've seen
This isn’t happening to me
I gave, I tried but I’m far to weak
The world in my mind is far to bleak
I would probably die if I was somebody else
If I swallowed my pride I would probably choke
Mary is this what you want from me?
I fear denial will come and torture me
I've been erased and have no soul to sell
Like a flame, like all the devils in hell
Going backwards to be released
Crumbling down into a wound that bleeds
Destroying myself just to wake up
But I can't wake up, I can't wake up