Head under water

Your head is so deep now.
You don't know where to look.
I'll show you, I said how.
But you closed your eyes.
I know you tried so hard.
But you never wanted to go that far.
Only you, I said only you can.
How long? How long will you hold up your shield?
You hold up your insecurity. You deprive.
You wait for your saviour.
He's always been at the door.
Now it's time to look up to the sky that you're blind to.
Death is here, at the door.
What now, what for?
But you tried so hard to birth yourself.
It's all over now.
Goodbye, the end, I thought I'd never be here.