This is not an exit

Post Dramatic/Enigmatic trauma
Here we go again
Every days the same/Oh how I dread beginnings
Still awaiting my, still awaiting my end

Alone and Distraught/Here I lay
Slightly fevered from today
Cannot bare what they say
Self loathing, I'll fade away (away)

Just leave me lying here
I'll close my eyes/escape this life
and sleep to pass the time

Oh How I miss the days... were golden
But now deprived
Pondering the question
Why the fuck are we alive?
Growing older now, My skies turn to gray
If killing is a sin, then I can't win
and all hope is lost

An act to seal my fate
I can't I am afraid
To inflict the pain, to create my own demise
Oh please, release me from the pain of living

Beyond Comprehension
Victim of Circumstance
Lost with no direction
I can't face the day again

The hole that I have made
The fear that it creates
To know that I can't go on
But I don't have the guts to end it all
Oh please, release me from this never ending hell

and I dream a thousand years astray
Just close my eyes and wish to die and never see again
When I wake there shall be no today
Only deaden eyes that welcome me away
into obscurity

Release me
Help me find
The door that will open
Release me

Slipping away again
Struggling to find my way
...the light that I can't find
Will pain Subside?