Used to wish

I used to wish that I would get sick
And stay home from school when I was a kid.
I’d spend the day reading and laying in bed,
Cat at my feet, lamp at my head.

Mama’d come in to check on me, say,
“Hey, little girl, how you feeling?
I think tomorrow you’ll be alright
If you can get a little bit of sleep tonight.”
I can still feel her sitting there
On the edge of the bed, stroking my hair.
With her cool, cool hands and quiet words
I drifted to sleep while the pages turned.
Drifted to sleep while the pages turned.
Well, the page has turned.

Sometimes I think if I could get hurt
Just bad enough to stay home from work,
I’d spend the day doing whatever I please,
Paying no mind to the things that I need.

But mama won’t come to check on me
And say hey little girl, how you feeling.
I know that when I go to sleep tonight
It’s not gonna make anything alright.
I’ll wake up to the same old mess,
Same old hurt, same regrets.
You’ll wake up there next to me,
Two souls drowning on the open sea.

There are holes in the sky and holes in my heart,
I gotta get back but it’s so damn far.
I gotta get out but it’s so damn hard.