What have i become?

And now I really don't care no more
Things never go the way they should
It's not sad but it's not ok
I turn into what I am
As if nothing else could hurt me
And everything I want to do

And in a land with a thousand seasides
I never really learned to swim at all
I really wanted to
And when the music comes over the houses
And I thought
And now I really don't care no more
Efforts never made a change here
And high hopes made it worse
And I turn into what I am
As if nothing else could reach me

And in a house with a thousand windows
And if I only knew why I was drawn to this
It is sad and I'm not ok
And when the music comes over the houses
Sadness never was a choice here