Pissing on bonfires / kissing with tongues

I will build myself a home
Out of the cinders and the dust
I won't surface for a year
I'll drink rainwater from my cup
And I will dream a whole new scenery
So far from what I love
To see myself in dreams just standing
Staring at these doors long shut
And I will count my fucking blessings
That I am even here at all

I'll take comfort in each misery
I'll cherish each stumble
Each fall's a little closer to the beginning
To the start of every song
That sleeps so silent in your chest
That sleeps so silent in your soul

And I won't pray for you
I won't long for your safe return

And I won't pine for you
I won't wait to be told to run

I will suffocate all notion
Of an existence without this
I will negate an understanding
Between free will and realising
That anythig I had ever prayed on
That anything I had ever loved
Was just the echo of some other
That I swore I'd never touch
And I will call myself an army
And I will call myself a king
And I will never love another
I won't recall a single thing

And I won't pray for you
I won't long for your safe return

And I won't pine for you
I won't wait to be told to run