I don't need you now

There was a time when I thought I would die everytime I thought of you.
I'd cry and think myself into a state and drink myself to sleep too late.
But what was pulling us and me apart was only breaking in my broken heart:
now it's controlled again, on hold again,
and more broken in than it's ever been.

So I don't need you now.
I can't believe how I ever wondered how I'd ever make it without you
thinking about you, but I don't need you now.

There was a time when I thought I should try to make myself hate you to get by.
It wasn't hard to do, to think of you and all the things you put me through.
But now I've had some time to contemplate,
and I've discovered other things to hate.
There's still bitterness I can't resist,
but you're moving to the bottom of a pretty long list.

So I don't hate you now,
and I don't even want to checkmate you now.
I still don't like how much you don't want me to touch you,
but I don't hate you now.

And if I'm crying, well what did you expect?
I've been trying, but I still don't know how not to be a wreck.

And though I'm still aware you're still out there,
still busy breaking someone's heart somewhere,
and though to you it's nothing new,
for once I've got no explaining to do.

Cause I don't know you now,
and I don't have anything to show you now,
except for all of these apologies that I don't owe you now