Still the door slams shut

Were you told to hold me when i'm like this?
I'd love to believe that it came from the heart,
And everything's resolved with a winning smile,
Let everybody think you're the same on the inside,
When my eyes look like a prince after time,
Do you still find me the most beautiful?
Did you ever anyway even before?
What do i need you to spell it out for?
Not in control of my emotions, thoughts are not my own,
I bit you today, but i'll kiss it better tomorrow!
And i do want you to do it,
But there's still a little chicken, dying to get out,
And i can't always be fifty tonnes,
If i stop the process now, what of my dying at fifty dream?
If the cancer has already arrived then it intended to take its time,
But can i change fate? can i? like ebenezer right the wrongs,
Only so that i'm licensed to die young...
Twenty-four hours, for seven, for fifty-two for sixty plus,
The initial attraction and glue,
Gonna have to find something more between us,
It's a long time to be silent...
And i'm also aware that i expect too much,
How can you do what i want? i don't know what i want you to do,
All i know right now is that i really fucking need you,
Yet black rain, grey rivers and red
Boxer-wounds and all the complication in my head,
Knowing that my fate is to crawl damp into bed,
Still the door slams shut.
Is she unstable, hysterical, alone?
Would it be wise now to be on my own?
Nothing would do for her home grown,
So if i make myself nothing...
But still the door slams shut.