History of philosophy rap

Were the first to philosophize
An unorganized confused shit
Like confucious or the fat giggling buddhist
Who said life is suffering and through the centuries
Suffering is all asians did but in Greece

Intellectual chimpanzees were putting things in order
Thales put his banana down and said everything is water
Which is dumb, but to tie it all together is what he tried
It's not water, it's fire said the nigga heraclitus

And that's the kind of shit
That occupied the athen nation
Tying everything together
Its called integration

Pythagoras said everything is numbers in a theorem
But there's more to life than numbers
So no one wanted to hear 'em

Zeno said there's no such thing as change
(He got rekt)
But we know he invented the debate (or dialectic)
When there was democracy there was democritus
He was wrong about some shit
But they still they called him dad of science

Does the end justify the means
Thrasymachus said yeah
But tell that to someone dying for some else's idea
And that's the fate of socrates
Convicted for corrupting little boys
And for democracy, he drank fucking poison

The boys in socrate's class were mostly fake and gay though
But the first to build a system of philosophy was plato
He said this world isn't real
But there's a world of forms
Where everything is perfect
He was fucking wrong

But they thought he was right
So his work was taught and saved
Ironically which led the west back into a cave
But he paved the way for his student
With the system model
Just the realest nigga ever to exist
Aristotle

He wanted explanation for the shit plato told him
And he wrote it all down pwn'd plate like a clown
All the bullshit plato said
'Stotle asked how
His metaphysics still hurts
Plato's ass now

Aristotle wasn't perfect but he gave us laws of logic
Which gave us shit like playstation 1 and apple watches
All the cool shit you got thank aristotle's mother
Which is more than anybody did back
When the words were uttered

Nobody gave a fuck
Yeah fuck what he was saying
They was busy eating gyros
Wrestling naked, being gay

Like epicurus told 'em avoid all pain
The stoics were like nah to much pleasure is vain
They said be serious focus on what you're doing
But they also pushed away the happines worth pursuing

And the skeptics
Ancient neck beard mgtow's
They said you can't know shit
Wrong then gay now

As time passed plato's influence increased
Philo brought him to the jews
Enter christianity
Augustine cemented plato to the west in written pages
Placing faith over reason bringing in the dark ages

And poor aristotle dismissed in his day
No one gave a fuck about his jam and it was cast away
And his fuckin name forgotten by a world that shit on him
Until he was discovered by a muslim?

Al-ma'mun translated him from greek
And began a golden era when religion let you think
But reason was rejected by this guy al-ghazali
Which is probably why islam today is not to fucking jolly

He decided tryna mix faith and reason was retarded
So he threw the precious work of aristotle in the garbage
The enlightenment of the arabs was over and departed
But in europe tom aquinas was like I'm just getting started

He learned of aristotle from this jewish guy maimonides
And he got it from a mooslam averroes
If ever these three religions found common ground
It's in placing reason over faith living here and now

The sound of reason cut the silence of the middle ages
As pages filled with logic scrutinizing God himself
And the changes made some clergy nervous but it was too late
Because the dumbest shit they ever did was the let the artist paint

Human beauty was depicted, love and sex celebrated
Life on earth is the standard, heaven could wait and shit
And though Christ was the one being painted
Religion didn't know it was being de-fanged and shit

That was the renaissance, then came the enlightenment
The other greek philosophers were studied with excitement
Now the truth could be discovered by no other means than reason
But then shit got more divided than the south and north koreans

A group of new philosophers one of whom was locke
Said you can't trust your mind but your senses and your cock
Know reality, so don't thank too much, you little bitch
The philosophers who said this are called empiricists

On the other side of this dichotomy of mind and body
Descartes and all his niggas said your senses could be naughty
You could only trust your mind to know what is and isn't
This school of philosophy is rationalism

That's when philosophy became a shit storm
Scientists no longer thought philosophy was for 'em
It didn't help philosophy to spare itself the damage
When rousseau was talking about how true nobility is savage

Philosophers of body vs philosophers of mind
All misguided but the truth is that the truth they tried to find
See they all respected reason they each wanted to have it
But then kant said reason? Reason is a faggot

He modernized plato's world of forms from before
Causing reason and reality its'self to go to war
He tried to fix the mind and body split but only made it bigger
Cuz reality requires you to reason my nigga

Now that reality and reason were divorced
Everyone had to pick one at fuck whatever cost
Trying to understand the world became a fucking headache
Hegel said reality and logic are synthetic

Marx pushed reason even farther away
In fact, he said reality depends on how close you're to a factory
If philosophy ended the age of darkness
It was now layin the blueprints for retarded shit

Nietzsche loved power and strength
But it's not reaching or a strength saying he inspired nazis
Superman's something that nietzsche gave us
But too bad he saw people as masters and slaves

Who were free now in america land of thomas paine
Who brought over the enlightenment from europe he explained
The right of man is to be free because that's his fucking nature
When the germans came, no one saw the fucking danger

Royce and his boys turned to hegel for the basics
Dewey said your mind doesn't learn shit, it creates it
Students went to Germany brought shit back and spread it
Which is why today's smartest post retarded shit on reddit

No reason to reason now that nothing could be known
Pragmatism said take action and follow your emotions
Kids trained to have coherence of a mental patient
This was the birth of progressive education

Integration no longer required
Postmodernism said that your mind could retire
Religion made a comeback, tribalism too
Cuz without reason there's just feelings and the group

Without philosophy, scientists can't resist
Oriental mystics claiming their shit is legit
Recycled anti-rationals repeating the same motions
Alleged men of science invoking their emotions

John rawls said we all should be
The same social justice is morality
Philosophy became a game of bullshit
And semantics that no one understands
And nobody gives a fuck about except for ayn rand

The last of the enlightenment she tied mind
And body and reality to reason
Which is great except nobody intellectual would give a fuck
Professors wouldn't budge
They must have their reasons but history will judge