Postmortal gorephobia

I like blood very much
But it must flow from a living body
I was quenched by my own blood
The sooniest
I was inducing pleasure to myself

I tortured mute animals later on
Their pain was more beautiful than mine
But it still didn't meet my terms
Until I tormented the small boy
From the neighbourhood

I am afraid of the dead ones
Their blood is different

The new horizonts have opened for me
And it unleashed my fear at the same time