Why is it so hard to change

Shut your mouth
I don't like the sound of what's coming out
Close your eyes

Don't have this conversation while you're pissed off and high
You already know
Painfully aware of just letting go
Blurry eyes

It's hard enough to leave but you insisted on goodbye
I'll never know what I'm leaving
Why did I throw it away?
I wanna grow but I'm sinking
Why is it so hard to change?
Now I'm gone
The leaving is the easy part of moving on
Empty knives

Nameless lovers leave with one more piece of me each time
What am I headed towards
Falling through distorted floors of more than what I can bare to ignore
But I'm not scared anymore
Feel this rush when I get what I always wanted before
But can I trust myself to ever stop needing more?

I'll never know what I'm leaving
Why did I throw it away?
I wanna grow but I'm sinking
Why is it so hard to change?