Walkie-talkie

Too lazy to hold a phone to your ear,
You want everything about you to be heard.
All you're blubbering,
All you're whining.
Let's all listen in, as you demean your spouse.
Wait, why not type out a response on your phone,
Then send it to their phone, so they can type back.
Sell your lips on the black market,
They're out of style and useless.
I'll gladly staple them shut.