Impractical joke

Keep it tight against your chest
This is my time
I'd like to see the table turned
Trade your placemat with mine
See if you can still make a ball
Or maybe eat the apple whole

And the furthest I could reach
Was as close as I had come
I'm in over my knees
And still the only one
Who has to get a grip on himself
I could use some outside help

It's already stale
It's just getting older and my side
Was sinking so quick
That the best I could do was jump ship

Waiting with bad bated breath
For the wind to change
It's just a well worn-out suggestion
To occupy the day
I wished that I knew when I threw it away
That I could deal with feeling this strange

But it sounds so similar
To something that I've done before
So I give myself a slap on the wrist
And you jam my hand in the door

It raises a smile from you
But it's only worth a by-line mention
A simple footnote from an impractical joke
Couldn't seem to hold your attention