To twist and to bleed

it's more than this heart can bear. light up the dim rooms where i rot.
where have i gone? these eyes have seen too much. enough to bleed from
inside out. go back. back down. never let these thoughts harm me again.
and i beg. please understand this. just one more time. and i'll try to be
the red in your life. did you never see or realize. understanding you as
the acting part in a time of standstill in my life. maybe the burden that
you had to bear was way too heavy. a way to escape. twisting between the
condition of compassion and a burning hate against myself. and i am twisting.
and twisting. and twisting. with dirty hands covering my eyes. hasting down
the wrong path while suppurating and bleeding to mark the way back home.
i'll never overcome this vice that seems to me like the only emotion that
my heart is willing to give. that my body is willing to feel.