Experience

Somewhere lost in memory
Hidden feelings deep in me
Things unseen to the naked eye
Things you'd think would make me cry
However wrong you think it is
The things i think are so real
This is not pain that i'm hiding
Only what i refuse to feel

Energy spent on trivial shit
One would think would be a fit
So to believe that i care
About lives that aren't there
I must lie to myself
And make these feelings go away
There is no need to face the mistakes
That i made yesterday

Don't pay attention
This means nothing
The things i think
Are my own
Do not listen
Do not feel
The things i believe
Are not real
Don't understand me
Don't even try
It's contradiction
It's a lie
Sharing thoughts
Of familiar experience
It's a weakness
That will never die

When everything that seems to matter
Slowly falls apart
Pouring out and unleashing your soul
Understanding the ways of the heart
Feelings kept under cloak of darkness
Now escape from the void
Experience that use to be fatal
Now can be enjoyed

So i must say in my time here
What i've learned i must share
Not in resentment, i refuse to care
Everything i've already seen leaves nothing left to fear
So to listen to what i say, the things i've thought have gone away
They aren't lies but not currently true
This is my experience, it is not you
Feel nothing from the words i say
All in time these feelings go away
This isn't personal, it's only me
Not everything is as it appears to be

Everything hidden will now be revealed
The scars of the past and the ways i feel
Different experiences of times and places
Different people with distant faces
The things that i love and things i hate
Situations that could only prove my fate
When all has been said and all has been done
Selective memory will leave only fun

These masks are fading away
Hatred and bitterness does not stay
This is how you should remember me
Welcome to my eulogy